Part 34: Ask And Ye Shall Receive
Hey, everybody! Welcome back to Secret of Evermore! Last time, we recovered the Wheel and Gauge from Prehistoria, which included kicking the shit out of a monster named after the taxonomy of beetles. Today, we'll be grabbing the Diamond Eyes, so let's boogie.
Since we haven't done it yet, let's go visit the palace. Besides, Horace is up there, and he might have something interesting to say.
There's a glitch here, in where if you keep mashing the button, you can get infinite Call Beads. But...Why would you do that? Call Beads aren't that useful.
Or maybe they are and I'm completely missing something.
Horace! What's going on with you?
Does anyone in the real world actually use the phrase "By Gum!"?
Seriously, it sounds like someone doing a parody of old folks.
Tiny has the Diamond Eyes, by the way. I'm...I'm not sure why.
I'm not sure if it's even mentioned here. I know Horace doesn't say it, but then, who the hell does? What random-ass NPC did I miss that has this information?
Oh, hell, I don't care. Nobody is reading this for the dialog or story.
Hmm....Crush also uses Limestone...
Barrier grants invulnerability to physical attacks for 45 seconds, as well as restoring a small amount of HP. This is actually pretty good, since no regular enemies use alchemy attacks and not many of the bosses from here on out will use alchemy, so this is practically gamebreaking.
While I can completely crush everything else in my path, I may as well try and keep some semblance of fairness.
Off to the Pyramid!
I'm not crossing that desert again, so we're going to fly.
This is satisfying in ways you can't even imagine.
In other news, I've quit smoking.
Cigarettes, at least. I'm using a vape thingy to ease my way into it, but it's going pretty smoothly. I went from a pack a day to a half pack a day in about a week and now, I'm going to try and cut cigarettes out completely.
The next step is to cut out the vape thingy, but we'll get there. I've tried a lot of other things to try and quit, but this seems to be the biggest help.
I once had a plan to eat a dog treat every time I wanted a cigarette, and it worked pretty well for about a week.
It was then that I realized that cigarettes tasted better than dog treats, so I went back to smoking.
It's a hell of a struggle. It's one I can't properly explain to someone who isn't a smoker.
Wanting a cigarette is like...All of you reading this, you've all had mosquito bites. You know how those sons of bitches get to itching?
You can ignore it for a while, but when you finally give it up and start itching it, you know how good it feels?
Imagine that same itch, but located in your brain, in a spot that nothing else can reach, and only one tool can scratch.
A cigarette is that tool and getting to relieve that itch is like scratching that itch so well, it completely disappears.
For an hour or so, at least. It's hard to explain.
Anywho, I'm only saying that to
With that said, we've got some dumbass shit to do in this pyramid.
There's some teleporter shenanigans, as well as a...Hell, I can't even call it a boss fight. You'll see what I mean.
There's some minor exploration to do here, and some stuff to grab.
Sons of Anhur roam the halls; you might recognize them as the mini-bosses we fought back when we first visited this place.
I really want Call Beads to be useful, but without forcing myself to use them, I can't be them useful.
This leads to the boss, but it's not quite unlocked yet. Let's visit the right-hand path.
And there is a big-ass rock around. You can sort of see it in some of the previous shots.
Either the Bronze Axe or the Knight Basher is needed to get past these walls.
No, I'm not doing a great job of showing this, but...How the hell am I supposed to do that? It's a very tiny area, with few branching paths.
Hell, when I get to the boss fight, I wasn't even sure how to show that.
It's not even interesting enough for a boss video.
Neat!
And that teleporter leads us to a DVD set of an underrated show.
Alright, let's go do something about that rock.
Thought we were done with Levitate? Joke's on you!
Er...Just one second.
We hit the two switches again and
Viola!
Just give us the Eyes and I won't destroy you all.
Just you wait until I get up there.
Yeah, your Oglins are doing you a ton staying up there.
Aaaand he's throwing Oglins down here.
Truthfully, it'd be more effective if you just threw the Oglins directly at us.
Now, I know what most of you are thinking; we just follow the teleporters around.
It's not that simple. It's much stupider.
You just randomly pop around the teleporters.
Until you land up here with Tiny. That's it; you just bounce around the teleporters until you get up here. I'm not even joking. It's just random chance if you get where you want to go. It's...God, there's a phrase I want to use here...It's something like...Shit. I think...
Mind-bogglingly stupid! That's it! This is so stupid, it boggles the mind.
And after all of that, Tiny doesn't even want to actually fight. He threatened to crush us, but he didn't me the chance to Crush him!
I want nothing more.
Stop it, York. You didn't even do anything!
Jesus, even Tiny is calling you on that shit!
Let's get back to Tinker. All this bullshit, and I didn't even get to Crush anything.
Goddammit, I knew I liked Antiqua the least for some reason.
Eh, this'll do. It's not perfect, but three Crushes are better than none.
Alright, let's see if Tinker's machine is going to do anything.
I wouldn't be back if I didn't!
We also give him the Wheel and the Diamond Eyes.
I have a feeling you don't really have a clue about what you're doing.
It has gizmos? Maybe I was selling Tinker short.
If you're shooting us to space with an experimental rocket, I'd like you to be a little more confident.
And it turns out that this machine doesn't shoot us to space, but actually is just a projector for the Michael Jackson documentary.
Oooh, York with the
I...I can't argue with that.
On a sidenote, those last bits of dialog actually made me laugh out loud.
We do the full countdown to 0 before blasting off.
I see no way this can go wrong.
Uh...I guess this is the place.
Get away from our rocket, you little weirdo!
Fucking rats! They're everywhere!
Hey, it's pretty dark around here.
I owe Tinker some props. He did a hell of a--
So, uh, yeah. Our dog is a toaster now.
We're in Omnitopia, the final area of the game, and with Zach's final form!
This line also amuses me.
Be careful, York. He's got a laser cannon now.
I'm not even fucking joking. Our dog is now a toaster-animal with a laser cannon.
While that sinks in, let's take a break, and I'll see you next time.
Stay tuned!